This isn't over yet

284 days ago I left my home to find another home.  284 days ago I wrote this:

“‘Are you ready?’ That's the question I've heard the most the past couple weeks. Well no, I'm not. What exactly does ready mean? I don't think anyone can be ready to say goodbye to their family, their friends, and leave behind the world they love. It's not easy. 

Even if I had all my bags packed and ready to go, I myself wouldn't be ready. I keep telling people that it doesn't feel real yet, (and it really doesn't), but I don't know if and when it will. I've been waiting for that moment where it suddenly clicks and I'm ready to go, but I've realized that's not going to happen. 

It's not about being ready, it's about getting out there and taking that risk even if you're not.”

Now I’m on the flip side, but it still perfectly explains how I feel. If I hadn’t already published this almost 10 months ago, I would probably post the same thing today.I have family and friends here that mean so much to me. My host family is no longer my host family; they are truly, truly my family. I have amazing friends, and a wonderful life here. Picking up and leaving that all behind is so hard, but the thing is, I don't know if I'll be back. Who knows what God has planned for me? Even if I do come back, it won't be the same. I saw that first hand last summer when I went back to Uganda after 4 years. Things change, you change. I have to say goodbye, and I'm not ready for that, but I don't think it's possible to be ready. 

Today is going to be a rough day, and the next, and the next, and I'm sure many more in the next few months. It really doesn't feel like I'm leaving tonight. It really doesn't feel like I'll be in the USA tomorrow. 

I'm so thankful for this year, so beyond thankful. There's no way to fit all my experiences and growth into one blog post. I do my best trying to provide a real representation of what this year has been like, but there's no way to communicate that fully. I'm thankful that it's hard to say goodbye. I'm lucky to have an experience like this, but on top of that I'm lucky that it's hard. If saying goodbye was easy, then I wouldn't have had the friends that I do, or such an amazing host family. It's hard because I love them.

As I board that plane tonight, I'll be thinking of that. I'll be thinking of my love for this beautiful country and the people in it. Morocco will always be in my heart.

Thank you all for being a part of my year and following this blog, it really means a lot to me.This won't be my last blog post, maybe my last in Morocco, but not my last. This is exchange isn't over yet.


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